The idea of not being married before thirty has thankfully started to become more familiar. If I could go back in time to my younger self, the first thing I would say is to NO dating until the age of early twenties. Unfortunately, my open & naive adolescent heart was desperately eager to find the “love of her life” pressured by social norms. Thus in result led to failed relationships, insecurity issues, & unfulfillment. I finally realize why it’s important to take advantage of the gifted time that is a season of singleness. Before preparing to read yet another jaded post written by a doomed to be spinster, allow me to share a few points I’ve learned within the past three years of singlehood.
1.God Comes First– Most would respond, shouldn’t finding yourself be number one? Honestly, the soul search never ends in the journey of life, but when you prioritize a relationship with God, it is in him where you will find your true identity.
“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”-1 Peter 2:9
2. Own Who You Are– As redundant as it sounds this is very important. The way you value yourself also reflects in a relationship. If you can’t look in the mirror & say that you ARE worthy, how could there be any expectation of someone treating as a child of royalty? With each sunrise make an intention to tell yourself YOU are perfect, YOU are adored, & because of Jesus YOU are able.
“I will give thanks to you because I have been so amazingly and miraculously made. Your works are miraculous, and my soul is fully aware of this.”- Psalm 139:14
3. Not Every Man That Walks Into Your Life Is Mr. Right!- We all have those girlfriends who claim their current boyfriend is future Mr. husband or maybe we are that girl. No judgments, I’ve been there. In real talk, there have been times where I’ve seen a beard in a suit playing with kids & my ovaries instantly signal “HUBBY MATERIAL” (Sad I’m aware lol). The reality is just because a man hits every box on the checklist in appearance & may give you fairy tale feelings for a few months or minutes doesn’t mean he’s a soulmate. Another thing that I enjoy now is platonic friendships. Guys & gals can be just friends! An excellent book to read is Jesus Feminist by Sarah Bessey. She highlights that both men & women can work as teammates (equals) in building visions with no romantic confusion. The next time a gentleman walks into view set the boundaries & try looking at him as a brother in Christ rather than instantly scanning the poor guy with your potential baby daddy radar.
“For example, the body is one unit and yet has many parts. As all the parts form one body, so it is with Christ. By one Spirit we were all baptized into one body.Whether we are Jewish or Greek, slave or free, God gave all of us one Spirit to drink.”-1 Corinthians 12:12-13
4. Live Out ALL Your Dreams- No regrets. I’m not saying that once you pair up with someone the adventure of life is over but being in a committed partnership is that a PARTNERSHIP. Ceasing the day is no longer about only your goals. Make sure to enjoy rolling solo taking painting classes, traveling, or starting a business. I am so grateful for having the past few years open to learning about missions & the freedom to go wherever there is a need.Whatever it is that you desire to try, DO IT!
“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”-Psalm 37:4
5. Learn How To DIY– All homemade crafts aside there are so many other things that you can explore to do on your own. In college, I had a brief few months in-between boyfriends & attempted to figure out how to put together my IKEA furniture. Working with my hands & marveling at a completed dresser was a small step but in the long run, since then I have no fear of ever needing a man to do the handy work.
“Those who work their land will have abundant food, but those who chase fantasies have no sense.”-Proverbs 12:11
6. Set Standards– One of the perks of being an adult is having the authority to choose what pleases you & what doesn’t. Of course when it comes to dating & friendships always be kind in the elimination process. If a person is pouring negative vibes into your life, there is no obligation to allow them to stay. Don’t settle for just anyone, it’s not a mean girl thing making the decision to gently decline a coffee date from a guy that doesn’t set your soul on fire, set the bar high in & wait on God’s best.
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”-Romans 12:2
7. Celibacy Is Not Weird– Apologizes in advance to my blushing Christians. As a child, I made the promise to save myself for that someone special. In pride, I shared with my friends that it was something that meant a lot to me. Once high school years rolled around my sweet commitment became a target labeling my innocence as a “Goody Goody.” No one likes a goody two shoes. Throwing myself into the dating scene early restored my reputation with peers but led me to break my vow I made before God. Heavy with guilt I tried to justify what I had done by staying in long-term relationships (serial monogamist). Saying things like “Oh, we’ll get married one day.” or “We love each other, so it’s not a sin.” were lies that I told myself to feel better. Sex is never casual, it’s a soul tie, becoming one with a person & gifting a piece of yourself to another. After the last failed longterm relationship, I felt like damaged goods. The great thing about God’s love is that he doesn’t care how shattered you are, he will take all the pieces and revive them into a new creation. Since then I decided to make another pledge to wait until the Lord brings forth my helpmate.
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God….”-1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
8. Invest In You!– Either it is signing up for yoga, taking a cooking class, or getting a mani-pedi once in a while go for it & treat yo’ self. Investing in overall mental & physical health does not make anyone high maintenance. On the contrary, it’s showing gratitude for one of God’s most prized possession, YOU!
“Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.”- Psalm 100:3
The number of #singlewoman epiphanies I have every day is countless. Do I think I’ll ever find my prince charming? Absolutely! The season of singleness is just another test of faith & waiting. Instead of relying on a brush of fate I’m leaving it up to the hand of God to pick out Mr. Wonderful. Until then the plan continues in pursuing missions, this meaning, NO DATING including apps based on swiping hot or not. In agreement with how the Apostle Paul states it in Corinthians, keeping things uncomplicated with spending my energy creating memories with family & friends while together growing closer to Christ.
“I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you’re unmarried, you’re free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master.”1 Corinthians 7-32
God Bless & Pursue The Peace!
Keeping Up With The Peace…
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Photos: Oia, Greece 2014