Three Letter Word…
Yep, if you guessed S-E-X don’t blush because I am sure that’s exactly what popped into your head first. The act has become as passive as picking your nose while driving (everyone does it).Our entire world is wired to act on the impulse of a tingling feeling through media and playing on millennial insecurities of loneliness. Everyone is actively searching for a lighting bolt connection over dating apps, drinks, and looking into a stranger’s eyes across the dance floor.
Growing up in a Christian household the topic of whoopie was not discussed in an understanding way, a woman is meant to stay a virgin until marriage or …burns in hell. Don’t get me wrong my parents are incredible people, I guess they thought to instill fear rather than an explanation was a better option.
To be transparent, I did not wait until wedding bells, is that even possible anymore? It didn’t happen they way I pictured it, but it happened.
The guilt of disappointing my family anchored me to stay in a toxic relationship that bled into my young adulthood & led me to believe I was no longer a child of God. Even though I had separated from that experience, life was lived on autopilot, because my body was now “tainted.” I had no expectation of favor, and my personal self-esteem was pretty much shot. When entered in my next long-term relationship I developed this intense grip on “making it work” even though we both were not ready. Looking back now I wish I knew better about how God works. He doesn’t leave after every mistake, with taking the time to educate myself on the love of our father I have learned no matter what he will always forgive and restore.
After two long term relationships, how do I feel about sex as a single 27-year-old woman in the world today? A lot of close girlfriends straddle the line of owning their sexual identity by “acting” the same as a man. Shout out to my girls owning their flower power but that is not how I choose to live. One would think since being late to jump on the single ladies train, I would be accepting free dinners with every Tom that looked my way. That is not the case.
Truth: Being intimate is precisely that “intimate.” It’s a connection of two souls that no matter how “casual” you want things to be there will always be a piece of them with you forever. Yes, sex was created to be enjoyable & free but meant to be shared with someone who will not take advantage of vulnerability (most likely a lifelong partner).
Peace & Cookies
Prude, vanilla – Whatever creative term people come up with, lying to myself that sex isn’t important would not reflect the 365 days of personal growth. At this point in my life, it’s about self-preservation mind, body, and soul. Instead of turning into a man-eating siren, deciding to take charge of my sexuality by staying celibate is working for me. I honestly don’t think just anyone deserves to be given a part of my spirit, especially if they are most likely a temporary fling.
Truth: Being a creature prone to error there is no guarantee that temptation won’t present itself, sure there’s a shortness of breath around a bearded man in a suit (follow @breadedlife_lifestyle hehe) but that doesn’t mean an act has to follow. Going for a run or eating cookies are great options lol.
No, I haven’t given up on love, it’s always a blessing to connect with incredible souls over an obsession for food or a hike. To those who prompt “Why aren’t you dating?” my answer is easy.
I am a daughter of an almighty King which technically makes me a princess, princess’s stick to their beliefs regardless what the world thinks, most importantly they don’t settle!
Choosing to trust that the best matchmaker already has that person picked out for me is way less stressful than combing through dating profiles. It’s freeing to just be Crystal without always questioning, is this Mr. Right? If anyone can’t respect my lifestyle then obviously it’s not going to work out. As for right now, single life is all about working on the woman I want to become and not be tied down by what the world expects of me.