Live a whole life for yourself, before you live it with someone else
I got to thinking after reading a blog post from dear friend and fellow blogger Lunges and Loubs. Her blog post-Why Marriage Before Age 30 should be Illegal. What a great title I thought to myself hoping to find inspiration and comfort in being alone after recently mourning the loss of my best friend, lover, and one cat.
But then, it hit me! My Ex and I are two different people (which is OKAY – I literally can’t stress that enough). He is incredibly smart and melts at the sight of kittens. I’ve never met a funnier or more honest person in my entire life, though I wouldn’t admit that to his face. But, he is a few years older than I am and we saw the world from different angles.
Communication at 20 years old does not exist, just tequila!
Flashback to the good old college days of tequila shots and Bob’s Pizza I found myself smitten with the word “fate” – oh yes, running into him at a bar twice in a college town should count as fate, right? Destined to be together forever, even though neither of us had the slightest clue of who we were, what we wanted out of life and what it takes to get there.
Due to my poor communication skills at 20 years old, my relationship of 4 years ran its course and died a mellow dramatic death. The relationship being mutually over was a conversation that took place more than once throughout our time of sharing a home, two cats, protein shakes, endless bottles of red wine and spoonfuls of peanut butter.
Explore yourself, for yourself
After four years of building our relationship up and becoming one person, made of two people, we truly lost who we were as individuals. We did everything together; nothing was done where we can cultivate our own passions or act on our goals and desires. It was always a “team” mentality, where you can’t do what you want to do because you ALWAYS have to think how it affects the other person. Truthfully, I don’t think either of us was ready to make such a commitment. With that being said, there was a lot of love for a long time and endless amounts of happiness that he and I shared. But, the truth is the happiness starts to fade away and turn to resentment when you both realize you aren’t quite ready to give up who you are and your purpose in life.
We never had the chance to explore what we liked, didn’t like, beliefs and goals before playing house in Atlanta. We moved to Atlanta together, away from everyone and everything we knew. We were all each other had. We never gave ourselves the opportunity even to see if we were on the same page before making a major commitment to each other. All we knew was that “fate” brought us together and that means we have to live in a state of unsatisfied and unfilled lives because that is what the universe wants.
Thankfully, the universe is wrong. Fast forward to present day, four years later and a 700-mile move away from each other, I’ve found peace with why things didn’t work out. The simple answer which we chose to ignore for so long was that we weren’t whole people yet and we didn’t share the same fundamental building blocks to make a strong relationship. Ignoring that and pretending they don’t exist, make for a very unstable foundation to build on.
The BEST Advice you’ll ever get – Take it as you will
Discuss with your partner the important things in life that you see yourself having in the future. Do you both want to get married eventually? Have kids? Buy a house or live in a car? Is family important? Is religion important? – These are just some important questions to ask yourself and your partner before diving into a such a committed relationship.
Be by yourself until you are ready to commit to anyone else. Commit to yourself that you are going to travel, make new friends, live in different cities, try new foods and do things that help you grow. Take the time to discover who you are and what you want out of your life. If not you might wake up when you are 40 and realize you have a life built on materialistic things, fancy shoes and empty memories of staying with that person when you met during your shotgunning beer phase in college. I am not saying this advice is for everyone, but just everyone under the age of 30, (ha! just kidding). Just because you’ve invested the time in a current relationship doesn’t make it worth fighting for forever.
Your future husband will thank – you for taking the time to figure yourself out. He will be thankful your college relationship didn’t work out because it allowed you to be a whole person for him, but most of all for yourself.
By. Tiffany xx
Shout out to www.lungesandloubs.com for the inspiration and endless amounts of advice your wise ass has given me! ❤
Photo Cred: Pinterest