Trust Fall

As I slowly crept from 24 to 27 my friends’ relationships blossomed from just having boyfriends to them becoming husbands. Standing at alters as a bridesmaid, maid of honor and best friend overjoyed for each of them I started to hear the clock ticking. Along with secretly freaking out about my non-existent tying of the knot it also seemed that everyone was getting their dream job. 

This made me a closeted basket case. There had been so many sleepless nights even days of constant evaluation on the reasons why things weren’t falling into place as they did for the ones surrounding me. Out of desperation to keep up with this fabricated timeline I began quieting my inner voice. Instead of following my heart I was sprinting a hamster wheel trying to make more money in corporate hitting the gym twice a day (obviously, hot bod = answers to all your problems..NOT) and tending to other’s needs rather than my own. Everyone had a different vision on how I should live MY life or when things should happen. I figured if I listened to what people were saying along with trying to control every aspect of my life I would be established with a career, married, and maybe a child on the way.

Trying to control the uncontrollable is exhausting. 

It’s hard to trust your inner voice when the world makes you feel like so far every decision you’ve made has been wrong; There is some twisted reason things don’t work out the way we create in our minds. Usually, the twist is that it opens doors to things unimaginable.

For myself, I am learning to be more confident with who I am again and how I am doing that is by falling back into the girl I once was. No strings attached, eating the things I love, exercising because it makes me feel good, and listening to my heart again. It’s not an easy process especially as I’ve mentioned for the past years I have had a white knuckle grip on life afraid of not having it together. Ironically at this point, I am okay with that. I would rather make up for lost time and follow through with my goals, not for anyone else but do it for the most important person of all, me.

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Things I have been doing Lately: Nurturing my family relationships, going to church, weight lifting, eating foods I crave.

Books I am currently reading: The Ecstasy of surrender by Judith Orloff M.D
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Quotes: “Be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your should on Fire”

Bible Verses: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.”Proverbs 3:5-6

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